i write too many posts.

Today was a super hard day for two reasons.
1. it was tessa's birthday, and we don't really talk anymore.. she celebrated her birthday without asking me to come join. i guess i didn't really expect to be invited, still hurts though. my mom told me not to worry about it, maybe it'll get fixed someday. that i hadn't done anything wrong, that this will get better. i'm not sure about that anymore, i don't think it will get better. i'm hurt and i'm getting mad again. fuck this.

2. after we picked up the family at the airport we headed to our grandpa's house.. he's so old and frail, the cancers really taken a toll on him. its heartbreaking to see him, to hold his hand knowing it might be the last fucking time i get to. knowing that once he's gone, i wont know the next time i'll get to see heather or chris.. i hate this, how could God let this happen?