EFFFF.

wow, life is just so confusing.
do i deny feelings for the good of one who is like my sister? i can't hurt her, so do i have to hurt him in the process? any way i spin it, people get hurt. but do i dare risking my best friend? through thick and the THIN-EST we are still close, like nothing ever happened. i didn't ever have a problem with him, but the drugs and what they did to them; it scared me. the feelings i get when i'm with him, its so natural and i'm just so confused. i'm not sure what to think. its true i've been denying feelings, but in relationships i always mess things up, i can't trust men, not anymore. they always leave me. do i dare open up again for another try at what will eventually end in pain? an ocean is a far gap, one i'm not sure if i can handle. how does anyone know?! the future is so unknown. i don't even know myself what to do. adlskaslkjasljd.lkasaljdaldjs.aldkje890324ujorjoijfslfjlsdfjslkfjfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.