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people always say that things get better in time.
well, its been time and things still aren't better. i feel like my body's been in "crisis" mode for too long now, any day its going to give out and i'm going to snap. i feel like i've been screaming at the top of my lungs from mountains, and no one can hear me. those that have been in my life longest cannot hear me, because they've turned away. because i'm no longer worthy to be listened to. i've been making so many new friends who actually seem to care about how i'm doing, its great. but it also breaks my heart so much. ugh.
time hasn't made things better, and time will only bring more trouble. time won't heal ernie's cancer, won't fix things in cali for two of the people i love most.. time won't fix the mess that was made between randy and i (which wasn't even my fault :/)

i'm tired, i'm weak with hunger.
i'm thirsty for change, for a new start.

because what's ahead of me isn't going to be better than what's behind me. i feel trapped and alone.
tomorrow's gone: how long until i break?
[listening to: make believe - seventh day slumber]