sleep doesn't satisfy anymore:

"I see a lot of beauty in your brokenness and therefore reliance on God."
someone told me this today, and it made all the difference to me because i realized that brokenness is not all dark, we can be broken and still walk in the light. and in fact, God works the best when we're broken, and i need to let him in to work in my life and heart now more than ever. why did i forget this? have i been too wrapped up in my problems when there are so many people struggling to even eat. last night i had more bad dreams. they were so vivid, it was the end times and i was trapped with people i knew, like mason of all people, and chazz and his baby sister and all these people from cape like sarah. it was awful, we were in like chicken cages under ground in the mud and poop and filth trapped by people who wanted to torture us and didn't give us food. people who worked us hard.. it was awful and we had to sneak out into the night to bring back food and the poor darling baby had no food, and i remember sneaking out and getting it baby formula, but dropping it when i crawled back down the big tunnel to get to everyone hiding. the beasts from end times were walking around and there was blood shed and it was terrible and awful. it's so vivid, so real. i can't get it out of my head :/