What is the Point?

What, honestly, is the point of getting better?
all that happens when i try is failure.
i'm tired of failing. of there being something wrong with me.
like i'm some sort of disease or something.
my mom wants to put me back into counseling.
i'm tired of feeling this way, i don't see a point to getting better anymore.
and most of me doesn't want to get better anymore, because i've realized something sick and twisted..
i don't know who i am without my scars, they're apart of me now.. forever. 
and that will isolate me from people, i know.
and what's the point of trying to get better when people have already written me off or abandoned me?

Well I've been bleeding well from this old wound,
Cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.
And sometimes eyes turn black, and sometimes scars are tracks.
But every time you're gone,
I wish that you'd come back.

And everyone watched me waste myself,
and everyone cheered at last.
And all of them found it comforting.
It's better it's me, than them.

I think I'm doing well from what they say,
They've taken both my belt
And shoelaces away.
Well I believe in luck...
I think I do.
Well I'd believe for sure,
If ever I saw you.

Well I've been fanning flames from these old coals.
Feeding them with tinder, and hoping they will grow.
Well I've been savoring what I can't hold.
A blind belief in goodness
That doesn't seem to show.

Well I've been bleeding well from this old wound.
Cleaning it with salt, so it will still feel new.